A night in the rain

Its raining. The fresh smell of the soil soaked by the new rain still lingers in the air, even though its been some time since the rain started. All I can hear is the sound of rain beating the fragile asbestos which protects me from the mighty downpour. All I can see from here is the silhouette of the rain with the street light in the back ground. The raindrops that fall into that puddle of mud. The illuminated sign of a cross on the top of a church, which is partially visible through the rubber forest which is in front of me. I dare not look to my back. The thickets could be intimidating.

I am alone. I have been standing here for the last 43 minutes, and its just a truck that passed me by. A part of me is intimidated, as I donot wish to be like this not talking for this long. The other part is happy, as the efficiency of those vehicles to splash mud on the bystanders when its raining is close to 200%.

Its late. Well, its almost 3 am. That would partially explain why I am alone in the road. The other part is simple, I had work till now. Was in the afternoon shift. Came in at 3, and then it was 11. But, once we start exploring something, there will be a “fevicol in the seat” syndrome. Well, it was 2.30 when I could get myself up from the seat.

Its flexi tomorrow and I need to get back only by 6 pm. That option triggers another thought. Why not go home?? Its been almost a month that I went home.. 50 km from here; no traffic; it wont take more than 1 hour to reach there. I never take much time to take a decision like this. Decided. Off, I go; and here I stand. Out of the blue started the rain, and I am stuck up in here- in the middle of nowhere. All we have here in the canvas is : Me, My bike, and an asbestos shed which could go down any mment from now

When the wait began, it was irritation, and tiredness. But now, its different. Now, I wonder how long it should have been since I walked in the rain. I wonder if I remember how good it would feel to walk that path again. What am I waiting for?? Walk the path again, or what! I stepped into the rain. gee… It tickles when cold water spluttering on my warm body; Feels good when the droplets go in through the hair locks. Feels even better when I feel the the warmth subside to give room to the cold.

After all these days, It feels like heaven to be a kid.

 

Soap bubble

She was down, that day.. Was almost at the verge of tears.. And when she came running to me, I could not wait to take her in my arms, hug her and let the feeling dissipate. There is a magic, in the act of touch you know.. It makes one hell of a difference. A simple contact of the fingers gives that feeling of security.. I hold you, and you see the unwritten pact; that I will be there for you.

I hugged her. Crushed her, would be a better usage. And there we stood, motionless for an entire eternity.. It could have been a few seconds.. or perhaps hours.. I never know. I wonder if I would ever know..

” I was in this delirium of bliss.. I was so happy for some time. Now, I do not know!! I was in this soap bubble of happiness, believing that nothing could possibly go wrong. And now, the bubble has burst. Etta, I feel so lonely now. Feels like, it never existed! Its not like something happened to prove me wrong.. But I feel so insecure..”

“hmm.. Da, the point is, it is very difficult to say if the bubble is still there or not. Once you are inside the bubble of happiness, you are happy. You are inside, and you believe that the bubble is still there, fine. No issues. You lose the trust, and you reach out to check if the bubble is still there. You touch it and then, it will not be there anymore.

Believe that the bubble exist. Then, even if it is not there, it is not going to make a difference. If not, you are going to destroy your own paradise. You could blame me that I am creating my own sphere of belief around me. Well, yes. I am. But then da, I would prefer to live in my own paradise.”

She withdrew from me, looked into my eyes, and spoke softly. Thank you etta. I wondered what caused her eyes to glisten.

 

Change, again

Perhaps, I didnt shudder much when he delivered the verdict. Perhaps it is because I am going through the same shit for the second time in a few months time, that I didn’t utter a curse.

So much for the 30 days training which we so painfully underwent.. Like the most, lost in the oblivion; made for nothing. If I am to analyze the feeling that I am going through now, I believe I will find things that will make me startled, at the least. That is something that I have trained myself all these days. Not the startling part.. But the analysis part.

It is a wonderful feeling that you get every time when you analyze the behavior of the self. Not only that it will help you a lot in understanding the responses; but also, give an insight of the reaction that could trigger in the receiving entity.

The scenario is best suited when you know that you are supposed to be mad at a particular circumstance.
The possible reactions this would have triggered in you would be:

• The tendency to shout at people
• The feeling “Why is this always happening to me??”
• “He is responsible for all this crap that I have to go through now. If only he had not assigned me to this new shit!!”
• I hate this crap!

Well, I think these were the predominant feelings that I had. Now, when I was thinking on it, I was able to structurize the path through which these emotions and feelings build up.

1. The situation is bad : mandatory circumstance
2. We think for a moment; what on earth can I do to improve it. Mind you, a moment. Not more.
3. Finding no immediate shortcut solution, we dive deep into the emotional attack.

Now, I started the analysis at the step 2. Well, I think I extended the time-dom of the step by a bit. It was pretty easy. It could be assumed that if the step 2 comes to a dead end within no time, the invariable destination will be step 3 and through that, depression. I do not want that, do I? Nay. The answer is and will be a stiff necked NO.

So. Thinking on the issue again. What can I do, to improve the shit that I am in. There is not a point in blaming the company. They had to do the work, after all it is business. And I am dead sure that they did not mean it to be personal. So, leave that part. Thinking, we try to define the shit that we are in. Well, if we are to define… Hmmm.. I need to learn a lot of new things. I will have night shifts. Tickets mean no more “lots of free time”. Lots and lots of work.

Once the situation is defined and we have a clear cut idea about the worst case scenarios; the situation is not that bad. Simple, If we are to learn; learn more!! there is no other way, do we??

Guys.. The paradigm shift(Yea, its a cliché. I know) I had was very small. If you ask me, I would say. hmmmm… I started thinking from why to how. Or more precisely, The question changed from “why is this happening to me” to “How can I change this??” Trust me, the effect that this had in the response is huge

 

Something about Time

There is something so simple yet indigestable thing about time that I have come to notice these days. Time that one go though every day, every hour.

The phenomenon that I came to notice is, when we work, the passage of time is that of a snail. In office, a small time unit, a day, for example, filled with hourly work updates and tickets and bugs and fatigue, appear endless. We often even forget what all things happened today, or more strickingly, we fail to connect if this particular event which I am so sure happened, happened today or yesterday or even, doubt if it happened at all!

On the contarary, a larger time unit, perhaps a week,seem to pass very quickly. On friday evening, you feel like monday morning was just hours ago. Even worse, at the end of the week, if you are asked what did you do on tuesday evening, we’ll end up digging the brains for hours for an answer.

I am sure that I’ll get at least a dozen of my friends to stand with me if I but ask, which one is longer- a day or a week?

Another similar stricking feature that came to my observation is the time we spend at home. After a weeks work, we take an off and we’ve got 3 friends to visit at 50 km radius. 2 Bank appointments and a family function. Most often, we’ll be able to abide all the commitments and even save some time to spare. At the end of the day, we’ll feel like the day was good and purposeful.
On the contarary, what of the time we had spent sitting idle at home? We ain’t do a thing, and at the end of the day, we feel like ‘wow!! that day went fast!!

Conclusion
A day is remembered, by the deeds done. By the things which are registerd in our memory. The more things we do, which we believe is purposeful, the more memorable the time be. Or as one of my friend would say, the more enjoyable the work, the more memorable will be the time.
This is but a matter of choice. A choice to love what we are supposed to do. Obviously, I donot claim this choice to be an easy one. But imagine the bliss, to enjoy the work one has to do to earn his daily bread!! I presume, he’ll soon own a bread factory!

 

headlights, late driving and life!

Prologue

The entire thought process of this article was evolved by a notion triggered by Thommu, our own achayan. May God be kind to him and may the Lady Luck bring him happiness forevermore.

Of all the addictions that I suffer, late night driving is one thing I love the most. Of course, you cannot count the other obvious addiction.

There is something magnetic about the entire thing that I have come to notice. Something that always sing to you. Something that always pulls us towards it. What can possibly be better than a late night drive, @50-65 kmph, windows rolled down, slight breeze caressing your face, the sight of the full moon now and then in between the trees that hover on both sides. And to add the cherry, if it is a just-rained environment. Aah! there can NOT be something more enjoyable.

But as usual, there will always be something to rain on the parade. Yea, you guessed it right. I call them headlights. I donot know, how many times I have lost my patience with the never dimming headlights of all those heavy trucks.

When you start the journey, with a very pleasant mood, Its like.. aah, headlights.. Let me dim mine. and probably he’ll do the same. Alas, they never do so! Another half an hour journey without any positive response, the mood starts its breakdown.

Then observing starts.. looking into the headlights of the coming truck, checking if they are going to dim the lights when I am doing it. its like Ok, I am being polite. I dimmed the lights. Now its your turn. dim the lights. <loop started (n)>tick tick tick<loop ends(n=0)>  Ok. You didn’t. Asshole. (turn the light back to bright) See?? see?? Even I have a bright light!
Note:n α 1/T.  =>as T↑, n↓… I call that level, a level of zero tolerance.

Now that we are in level of zero tolerance, we NEVER switch the light to dim. And many a times, we encroach into enemy territory(wrong side) to prove, Hell yeah, even I have lights.Self propagating loop starts, I propagate the screw-dom that I am in. gives a taste to every other driver who comes in my path. More the people who come my way, more will be the people who gets really pissed off!

It was only when Thommu pointed it out to me that I noticed..The problem is, I look into the light. Didn’t quite understand, right? Yea. I look into the light. when ever a vehicle comes up, I keep on looking into the headlight, checking to see if he is polite enough to dim the lights. To check if he is reciprocating to me. I keep on looking at it for so long, that I’ll suffer temporary blindness. Even if this particular experience is highly painful, I will not learn. I shout at them for not dimming the lights, I speed up to dissipate the anger, I do all those things which I am not supposed to do during driving.. Still I continue to look at the lights. I’m not gonna learn.

Thommu had a sure shot solution for this. When ever I detect that a vehicle is coming, look at the leftmost part of the road. Look at it so hard and look at it so carefully, and try to pull your vehicle close to the periphery of the road that you forget to do anything else. Even forget to look at the light.

Guys, I tried this out and you know what?? Its awesome. Well, its not false proof. Still, its better than any ideas I have come up with till date. Its simple, yet good.

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Part 2. Life.

How many sms we receive daily preaching how to live our life! How many books we read, to help ourselves fare well in tough times! We read a lot, and we quote a lot. But I seriously doubt how many of us  are able to do that, when that precarious situation finally comes.

Today, I would like to add a simple thought to that pile. A simple thought that Thommu triggered. When a problem comes, we stare it for so long, that we forget that there is a way out. We look into it and loom over it over and over that we never see the solution. So long that we forget, there is hope.

I ain’t ask you to forget your commitments, live the life of a tinker. No. I simply suggest, that there is always a second door out. However small or insignificant it may seem to be!