February 2008


Films usually portray the face of the country much more effectively than any other media. When it is Bollywood,the term use should be, most effective medium. If we look into the trend of movies, from early 80′ to  90s, the main theme would be very much the same – Unemployment.  There was a time when engineers who passed out even from reputed institutions face this big question.  What now???

Now, Do any of us watch a movie now a days where the hero is unemployed?  Nope! The situation has changed entirely.

The IT field is blooming and India is reaping its fruits. The economic development have gone up to a whooping 9.5% . The per capita income of an average Indian have doubled. All these changes have come upon due to what we call the “IT Revolution”. Yes, it IS us, the technocrats who have played the pivotal role in bringing our country up to what we have today. But is that enough?? Again, the answer is no.

We do have various strategists, Infrastructure development wizards and awesome leaders up on top. But there is still this deficiency of Technocrats.

When the facility, and the feasibility of utilization of advanced technologies is high, it is our.. Our Nation’s responsibility to exploit to the maximum extend. When it is our turn to ride the winds of change, We do need technocrats up on top to lead us through. But, I do fear that we’re quite in short of people who are equally well versed in both technology and politics.

Then what is preventing us from this advancements? Well, The answer is plain. As soon as a person pass out from a reputed institution, if he is smart enough to smile and sensible enough to play smart, the MNC’s will be after him offering lakhs.

Famous leaders among the students, take the founder of IEEE LINK, Er. Prijoe Phillip Komattu, who received the most reputed Larry K Wilson award for the best student member of IEEE around the globe, is now probably sitting idly in front of his system in TCS, probably chatting to an old friend. What do we have here??

It is TALENT WASTED.

People with immense potential, wasted up as system junkies, just because the offer was too sweet to be turned down.

Secondly, we do still have this equation of old times.. Politics=Corruption=Bad Reputation. Please!! Its is not so! You want to be clean, You’ll be clean. You want to be transparent, You’ll be transparent. Nothing is going to stop you from being that. Nothing IS going to stop you.

Now, there could be this doubt. Why Technocrats? I’ll tell you. Who designed Konkan Railway?? A project turned down by half a dozen foreign companies, telling the project is not feasible due to drastic climatic variations!! Its was by a great man, Er. E Sridharan. It is to be noted that he heads the Delhi metro, The only railway system around the globe which is ISO certified. Now He, is a technocrat.

What is happening in kerala? Down here, people are screaming, telling a metro would divide the Ernakulam city! What happened to Express Highway? Again, people and the opposition screaming, “please donot divide kerala!!” The single pathetic have hampered the hope of millions, a hope for development. This is where we need technocrats in the ruling sector. This is where we need people who are not new to the technologies available. This is the time that we need to put ourselves on top.

I would like to quote the words of the best technocrat-politician India have ever produced, Dr. A P J Abdul Kalaam sir.

It is upto one’s mind, to set his limits. My dear friends in arms, what i expect from you, is to remove the box. Shatter the limits. Think free, Fly free.

This, was delivered on the fist annual meeting of Lok Paritran, A brave venture of a few IIT graduates to enter politics. They were appreciated not because they were IITians. But they showed guts to enter the unknown waters. For they showed guts to turn down the job offers and to devote themselves to noble cause. The development of our country.

Lets join hands with them IITians, to lead our people. We are needed. Terribly needed up there on top. Lets get to work. Jai hind.

It is dawn.
Dad used to tell me.. Its was his four mile ordeal daily through the woods to school, that kept him fit and fiddle throughout his life. Grandpa, may his soul rest in peace, always said.. it was his work in the paddy fields which gave him calmness and  peace of mind.
So says everybody of the generation past. So be it.
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 I’m here in this lonely room, in this ‘not-so-lonely city’. I’m an Engineer, for that matter. Rather unfortunately pathetic one. All I can hear from this room is, horns and clatters and construction noise. There is a hell lot of noise, yes. Still, It seems like i’m alone here.
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Aah!! Banglore. For beginners, its paradise. For me, its nothing but a concrete jungle.
It is dawn. But I can’t see the sun. There is light. But all I can see is, shadows. I feel like lurking like a vermin in the shadow.
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Five years back, I was the happiest person. was on cloud No.9, I was. Seemed like I’m on top of the world. Seemed like I ruled everything around me. Thought, I was happy, then.
I was wrong. Terribly wrong
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It was not long, that I started observing this. I rarely see the sun. huh!! I meet my room-mate even rarer. Apart from the mechanical-men and stray dogs and mosquitoes (yeah definitely mosquitoes.. plenty of ‘em), I donot see any living creature either! It is like, even when I walk along the crowd, I seemed to be alone.
Correction: I AM bloody alone.
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Hence began this weird routine of mine. At noon, whenever I could see the sun at last, I would get to the window panel, look up to catch a glimpse.
To see one real thing. To realize that I’m real. To realize that I’m alive.
Rainy days are bad. yeah! real bad. And I hate it when it rains at noon. whether it be rain or discussions, I would love to hate anything that prevents me for reaching my only Ecstasy. My only chance to smile for once.
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A couple more minutes, and we’ll part for the day. And me, back to the shadows.
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I used to be fan of Lord of the Rings. Used to have goosebumps when Gandalf yelled to Balrog at the Bridge of Khazad-dum.
I am the servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor…”
The dark fire will not avail you, Balrog! You Flame of Udûn.
Go back to the abyss, you creature of filth. Go back to where you came from.
YOU–SHALL–NOT–PASS
Used to have goosebumps, then.
Now, I feel pity. I sympathize him, who is a bound for all eternity in the darkness.
For I know what is that he feels.
For I fear, That I’m bound to this hell to the end of my days. Bound to this hell for ever.
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It is dusk. The shadows are lengthening. And my daily quota to smile is over. For a person who spend most of his time in the shadows, I should have been named Balrog.
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Correction: My Name IS Balrog
I’ve always believed, She was born on this lovely earth of mine(ya, it was mine once).. Just to destroy me.. just to defeat me, just to devastate me.
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There was one time when I believed, I’m invincible. I will not fall in love.. Yeah, I know its absolute stupidity.But I believed, until I met her. fell.
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There was a time when I believed, I can get up from any situation.. pat the dust and strive. Nay. Here, every time I tried hard, I sank deep into the marsh. I sank.
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There was a time when I believed, I could communicate.. Communicate wonderfully, make flowers out of words.. bla bla.. And when I talked to her, It was an occasional word somewhere in  absolute silence. Couldn’t even open my mouth. stinks.
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There was a time when I believed, I could read one person. I could even understand a flicker of the eye, a change of tone, a change of note, or even.. interpret silence. Here, I felt like her face was blank. Failure.
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I’ve always believed, She was born to snatch this lovely earth of mine, from me for ever.
And last day, with a single look, She proved that I was correct.
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I’m not going to elaborate the entire thing here. That will be only to embarrass me further. For a person who always had to face “da, I love you“, The hard part was to accept the fact that today, I’ll have to say, “di, I love you more than anything that happen to be on earth!”.The hardest part, was to actually spit it out. though rohan did advice..
Rohan: man…let it be me,u or any guy,howevr brave he may, is supposed to be..wen u come to this part naa…u fucks it up…or u trembles so much that..u will nearly pee in ur pants
Me: ya bro.. I can expect that.. I’ll most definitely pee.
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Well, God’s grace, I didn’t. but came near, though.
As I said, the hardest part was to speak out. I’ve always carried the curse of all those whom I denied, all those whom I counselled, telling..
“molu, this love thing.. its not a good thing to do..”
It was as if i was here to experience how it felt when you are told no.
It was as if all the curses were on my head at that time. It was like all the spirits telling me, et tu, jeev?

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I conveyed it somehow. There was no response. 5 seconds.
I didn’t expect this from you. plus an indignant look.
A curt no, or even a slap would have been better. way too better. but the one look conveyed everything. It was like stabbing on your heart, it was..
Everything is back to point one, now. she wont talk to me, she wont smile at me.. what more!! she wont even look at me.
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This is bad. I’m loosing it now. i was soo sure she knew about me. I was so sure she knew i loved her. The moment she said she read my blog, my heart was pumping like hell.. Her friend’s mischievous smile when she saw me was too plane to be misunderstood.. the one smile of anticipation.. I thought the winds were in favour of me. I thought she was expecting. I knew, she was expecting.
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This is too bad. Its soo bloody hard to maintain control. I depend on to every principle I was taught, every straw I could hold on to, to remain sane.
I meditate, I work hard and run around till its all blood and sweat.. I forget myself in everything around me. still there is nothing but she.
reiki is of no bloody use!! and nothing helps. there is nothing but she..
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My dear, I did have and do have and will have this feeling for you. since months. years.
This is no stupid puppy love. No!! You know what?? I’ve been bloody researching on anything and everything about you, to find anything at all..
Not to love you!! but to hate you, to rescue my heart from ur clutches. And when i couldn’t, I knew for the first time in my life, that there is no way i can escape you, but to move away. to move far away. which i cannot!  For the first time,
I knew the genuvinity, the depth and the magnitude of the feeling i have to you.
I knew I have failed to remain stable, unaffected by a woman.
I knew I was sinking and there is no way I could escape.

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So, I did the best and most appropriate thing to do. The most proper thing to do. Talked to my parents. talked real serious. And they complied. Hence came to the conclusion.
I’ll have you to the rest of my life. To the rest of eternity at my side. To protect you, To make you happy, and.. to make you smile.
Hell!! i don’t want to run over to you and hug you!! no!! what could I possibly do within this last 30 or 40 days? cannot even talk proper!! All I wanted, was to let you know, that I have this feeling.
 and I will always have..
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Now, Listen. There is nothing but this. 4 years from now, I’ll get my folks, come to you home and bloody ask for your hand. Mark my words, If there is one bloody year of 2012, I’ll be there.
I donot know what was that you expected for me, and I don’t care, for now.
All I know is, I’ll wait. I’ll wait till bloody 2012. and Lets see what will happen then.
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PS: She will most definitely WILL NOT be reading this. And I do know, there is no purpose in using the you’s instead of she’s. But, i deliberately use them you’s.
Because, It is to you, I talk.
Huh!!! i think i may even create a record on “stopped blogging..  started again” kindof posts.. But you do have to understand..  The kindof things which make you have the kick to blog donot come and go often.
I think, the kick is here again.
Its been 1 month plus, since my last post.. The problem was, whenever i take up the “write post” page, the only thing that comes to my mind is.. well.. of course, her.
And since I never had an opportunity to get a direct reply from her, It would make me look soo stupid if i go on writing things about her again and again. Even though, I should confess.. Today, I’m here to write about her. Again.
In those days, when this uncurable stupid itching started, I had this serious trouble I could talk to anybody on earth, a person of any sex, caste, creed, capacities, whatever.. about anything at all. No matter whatever crap I may be telling, I could TALK. But not to her.
I could storm in or out of any situation, however dire it may seem to be.. turn the entire scenario upside down.. make a BIG huge dramatic impression for no cause whatsoever.. bla bla.. But…
But, I couldn’t even put up one full sentence before her.
Those days, it seemed like, she was given to me.. to reduce my hauter!!! A scourge of God, to make me know how pathetic I am!!
But I tell you now. Those days are over and done with.
Today, I happily stand here with pride, with a kindof an arrogantly proud kick,when I know it that she do like me. I aint says she loves me. But she do like me, which is a fact that I’m ready to wager with all the precious I posess.
In the midst of these lovely days, in these days of smiles and prayers, even though when the 14th seems far off, my heart is kicking around to confess it to you, my would be better half, that. my dear.. it is you, that makes me complete. It is only you who can ever make me whole and imperforate.
I have no wish but to make you happy. No urge but to make you feel safe. No thirst but to keep you smiling.
I just want you to be with me. Simple.
3 days from now, I’ll be standing in front of you. Surely, i’ll be trembling. By trembling, I do mean hands, legs and the entire body shaking like hell!! My goddamn cheeks will be blushed to apple red. well, I cannot blame the cheeks alone.. Presumably, there will be a crimson glow around me!! cannot help it, its just the tension of the confession. God bless me if I wont have a stupor or even, a coma. I think I’ll be scratching my head, or temple.. as my body will be fearing that i’m acting reeeaaal stupid. There will be., most defenitely WILL BE, a situation when i’ll be at a complete loss of words.. 
If all these things ARE going to happen, why am I telling this to you?? simple!! Because, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to convey completely what is in my heart to you.. In your situation of shock, confusion, and turmoil… and my situation of unconrollable blabering or indefenite muteness(whatever, i donot know..) all I would want you to know is, A purer desire cannot exist.
I know, the relation is at stake the moment i utter the golden charm, that I love you. You may turn your face from me. And, I’ll still be loving you.. even if that will mean a slap, or even a fullstop to all the smiles we share now… I’ll still be loving you.
Think of it, my dear.
Think of it..
After all… I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him. asking you to love me.
PS: I do not know how or why, all the she’s became you’s. maybe because, it became too personal for me to distinguish beteween the two. I do not know when or if at all, you’ll be reading this. But I do wish from the bottom of my heart, that you read this once. Atleast once. You read this and know what is that i feel for you.