I’ve always believed, She was born on this lovely earth of mine(ya, it was mine once).. Just to destroy me.. just to defeat me, just to devastate me.
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There was one time when I believed, I’m invincible. I will not fall in love.. Yeah, I know its absolute stupidity.But I believed, until I met her. fell.
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There was a time when I believed, I can get up from any situation.. pat the dust and strive. Nay. Here, every time I tried hard, I sank deep into the marsh. I sank.
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There was a time when I believed, I could communicate.. Communicate wonderfully, make flowers out of words.. bla bla.. And when I talked to her, It was an occasional word somewhere in  absolute silence. Couldn’t even open my mouth. stinks.
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There was a time when I believed, I could read one person. I could even understand a flicker of the eye, a change of tone, a change of note, or even.. interpret silence. Here, I felt like her face was blank. Failure.
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I’ve always believed, She was born to snatch this lovely earth of mine, from me for ever.
And last day, with a single look, She proved that I was correct.
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I’m not going to elaborate the entire thing here. That will be only to embarrass me further. For a person who always had to face “da, I love you“, The hard part was to accept the fact that today, I’ll have to say, “di, I love you more than anything that happen to be on earth!”.The hardest part, was to actually spit it out. though rohan did advice..
Rohan: man…let it be me,u or any guy,howevr brave he may, is supposed to be..wen u come to this part naa…u fucks it up…or u trembles so much that..u will nearly pee in ur pants
Me: ya bro.. I can expect that.. I’ll most definitely pee.
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Well, God’s grace, I didn’t. but came near, though.
As I said, the hardest part was to speak out. I’ve always carried the curse of all those whom I denied, all those whom I counselled, telling..
“molu, this love thing.. its not a good thing to do..”
It was as if i was here to experience how it felt when you are told no.
It was as if all the curses were on my head at that time. It was like all the spirits telling me, et tu, jeev?

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I conveyed it somehow. There was no response. 5 seconds.
I didn’t expect this from you. plus an indignant look.
A curt no, or even a slap would have been better. way too better. but the one look conveyed everything. It was like stabbing on your heart, it was..
Everything is back to point one, now. she wont talk to me, she wont smile at me.. what more!! she wont even look at me.
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This is bad. I’m loosing it now. i was soo sure she knew about me. I was so sure she knew i loved her. The moment she said she read my blog, my heart was pumping like hell.. Her friend’s mischievous smile when she saw me was too plane to be misunderstood.. the one smile of anticipation.. I thought the winds were in favour of me. I thought she was expecting. I knew, she was expecting.
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This is too bad. Its soo bloody hard to maintain control. I depend on to every principle I was taught, every straw I could hold on to, to remain sane.
I meditate, I work hard and run around till its all blood and sweat.. I forget myself in everything around me. still there is nothing but she.
reiki is of no bloody use!! and nothing helps. there is nothing but she..
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My dear, I did have and do have and will have this feeling for you. since months. years.
This is no stupid puppy love. No!! You know what?? I’ve been bloody researching on anything and everything about you, to find anything at all..
Not to love you!! but to hate you, to rescue my heart from ur clutches. And when i couldn’t, I knew for the first time in my life, that there is no way i can escape you, but to move away. to move far away. which i cannot!  For the first time,
I knew the genuvinity, the depth and the magnitude of the feeling i have to you.
I knew I have failed to remain stable, unaffected by a woman.
I knew I was sinking and there is no way I could escape.

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So, I did the best and most appropriate thing to do. The most proper thing to do. Talked to my parents. talked real serious. And they complied. Hence came to the conclusion.
I’ll have you to the rest of my life. To the rest of eternity at my side. To protect you, To make you happy, and.. to make you smile.
Hell!! i don’t want to run over to you and hug you!! no!! what could I possibly do within this last 30 or 40 days? cannot even talk proper!! All I wanted, was to let you know, that I have this feeling.
 and I will always have..
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Now, Listen. There is nothing but this. 4 years from now, I’ll get my folks, come to you home and bloody ask for your hand. Mark my words, If there is one bloody year of 2012, I’ll be there.
I donot know what was that you expected for me, and I don’t care, for now.
All I know is, I’ll wait. I’ll wait till bloody 2012. and Lets see what will happen then.
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PS: She will most definitely WILL NOT be reading this. And I do know, there is no purpose in using the you’s instead of she’s. But, i deliberately use them you’s.
Because, It is to you, I talk.