Random Thoughts

Seems like a coincidence.. That I stopped blogging ever since I asked for her hand. And I restarted it just before the day she said a No. This occurrence seems to be very sporadic, as the the two points in the time line marked their presence with delivery of heavy blows to me! They stand as the landmarks of my life. The no-so-welcomed-landmarks.

One thing for sure, I’ve given up writing Big huge blogs about her. Seems like writing never served the purpose, and it never will. By writing about her, I had many hopes..

• That she will read it through and will know what I feel for her.
• That I’ll get a temporary relaxation from the stress I am going through.

Both failed, and  here I am, writing again.  Shit re! she never even read through. and if she read it through, she never thought what I said, I said from my heart! Or, she don’t know how to read english! Perhaps I should try writing in malayalam. Or, I may have to provide a decoder along fo decrypt the meaning! Well, I was devastated once I had her output. Seriously, the little boy of Hiroshima was far less severe!

I’ve thought through and through.. and have a stable ground, now. Its always better to know the hard truth than to be in a fools paradice! And, I donot believe that there is any point in squabbling for the forbidden fruit. Denied, and Thats it.

There is a Greek myth of Pandora’s Box.  Opened, it delivered the earth with all the terrible pains.. leaving only one thing behind. It was hope. A 2 sided sword it is, hope. Sometimes, you rely on it for your life. And at times, you give up hope to continue living. For me, its been a very bad thing, hope. For, if I continue like this, Its gonna kill me before a blink of an eye. It seems that I’ve been doing the “opening-closing” ceremony of my pandora’s box as a hobby, now a days and this have left me with all the pains of mind.

Now what, I donot know. Should I close the box with hope inside, sealed for ever? or should I embrace the situation and keep the hope going? I donot know.

Its been long. Yea, too long! I dunno what possible explanation I should give. And what ever I may give, none will suffice. So, not bothered to give any!

Life is getting tougher. You need to breath hard, sweat out and what not, to survive in this jungle.. I do not know.. One side, there is the pressure and stress. And on the other side, there is this ever-persisting background music which calls out for her name. I had thought waiting would be far simpler. It turned out not! Seems like I’ve been a hypocrite who told the world that he have lot of powers, talents. Seems like, I stand naked in the rain, again

I wish to see a rain. Its been so long since i ran a bike through the rain, with rain water splashing on my face. Hands too cold, that you won’t even think of removing it to apply the breaks. I miss the rain back home.

Everything seems so unfamiliar, everything seems so distant, unanswered, looming over my head. Seems like everything is emitting an emotion. and that, being nothing but pure hate. Its been said, that what you get is that which you give. So, does this mean that I’m giving out pure hate? Or does this mean that what I give out is misintrepretted as hate? I do not know.

There is one more thing which prompts me to write. Most of the guys who wre here would have presumed me dead after a silence this long. Let it be. If I am really dead, this should act as my reincarnation.

I’ll be writing again. There is nothing much left here which will help me to hold on to sanity. Nothing but this. There is one line which is in Hotel California..  Some dance to remember, some dance to forget.Why am I writing, I donot know. Perhaps to remember.. perhaps to forget.