Seems like a coincidence.. That I stopped blogging ever since I asked for her hand. And I restarted it just before the day she said a No. This occurrence seems to be very sporadic, as the the two points in the time line marked their presence with delivery of heavy blows to me! They stand as the landmarks of my life. The no-so-welcomed-landmarks.

One thing for sure, I’ve given up writing Big huge blogs about her. Seems like writing never served the purpose, and it never will. By writing about her, I had many hopes..

  • That she will read it through and will know what I feel for her.
  • That I’ll get a temporary relaxation from the stress I am going through.

Both failed, and  here I am, writing again.  Shit re! she never even read through. and if she read it through, she never thought what I said, I said from my heart! Or, she don’t know how to read english! Perhaps I should try writing in malayalam. Or, I may have to provide a decoder along fo decrypt the meaning! Well, I was devastated once I had her output. Seriously, the little boy of Hiroshima was far less severe!

I’ve thought through and through.. and have a stable ground, now. Its always better to know the hard truth than to be in a fools paradice! And, I donot believe that there is any point in squabbling for the forbidden fruit. Denied, and Thats it.

There is a Greek myth of Pandora’s Box.  Opened, it delivered the earth with all the terrible pains.. leaving only one thing behind. It was hope. A 2 sided sword it is, hope. Sometimes, you rely on it for your life. And at times, you give up hope to continue living. For me, its been a very bad thing, hope. For, if I continue like this, Its gonna kill me before a blink of an eye. It seems that I’ve been doing the “opening-closing” ceremony of my pandora’s box as a hobby, now a days and this have left me with all the pains of mind.

Now what, I donot know. Should I close the box with hope inside, sealed for ever? or should I embrace the situation and keep the hope going? I donot know.